Sex and Surrender (and why submissives always have the best sex)
”Someone once told me that in order to bring a woman to orgasm, she has to submit, even if for just for that moment.
I think there is some truth there. Orgasm is the point of letting go at the end of all that building tension. At least, it is for most people
I’ve been thinking lately that sex – good sex, anyway – is an act of surrender. I’m not talking about surrendering to another person necessarily, but more to the moment. To the act of sex itself.
Unfortunately, however, I’m not sure surrender comes terribly naturally to a lot of people. And so I wonder if there are hoards of people out there missing out on really good sex.
I suspect this is where many people fall down.
People are so obsessed with image. Hollywood does a lovely line in missionary, with the starry gazes and gentle rise-and-fall of crisp white sheets.
And that looks like perfectly nice sex to me.
Just not good sex. Not earth-shaking, back-ripping, tonsil-tearing sex that leaves you shuddering and unwilling to stand for fear falling down again.
Good sex is dirty. There’s sweat and body fluids and stupid faces. There’s ridiculous noises, grunts and squelches and wet-skin rasps.
Good sex smells. In a good way. A deep, heavy musk that sticks to your fingers for hours after.
Good sex is no holds barred, no limits, no self consciousness.
instinct, because they feel good. Not because you should. Perhaps because you shouldn’t. Good sex is no holds barred, no limits, no self consciousness.
Of course, I’m prejudiced. I like my sex like this. Though I’m not for a moment suggesting gentle, loving sex doesn’t have it’s place. It’s just… different.
I believe sex is a spiritual act. Again, not always, but it can be. For me, sex is often a mediation. It allows me to be completely in myself, completely present, aware of nothing but the thing I am doing and the thing I am.
Good sex equals good orgasms, and a really good orgasm is a little slice of enlightenment. One-ness with the Universe.
You may be thinking orgasms are always pretty good. And I guess they are. But what I’m talking about here are the earth-shattering ones. The ones that switch your brain off for a little while. Temporary blindness, inability to speak, brief catatonia, these are the symptoms of a good orgasm.
If you’ve never experienced this, you have my sympathy. And I would suggest you’re not doing it right.
Go away and try again. And this time, try surrendering. Letting yourself go with the moment. Don’t worry about the shopping or the chores you have to do. Don’t worry who it is making that noise that sounds like a cow in labor. Just be in the moment.
Feel the orgasm roll over your body, notice it in places that you never normally notice – from the tip of your toes to the roots of your hair
You don’t have to surrender yourself to anyone else in order to do this. But you may need to let go of control for just a moment. But it is just a moment! Surrender to yourself. To the act of sex.
Sometimes, I watch my man whilst I’m pleasuring him or some such.
And I can see the moment he lets go. Stops trying to control the scene, or give his attention to me. When he just rides the pleasure and lets his body do his thing. I love that moment because I know it means he’s just about to peak. It’s the moment we’re closest, when we have something close to true Union.”
In Noimine Babalon