Body Connections and Women
“I suspect there’s an element of social conditioning that I need to unload here — the conditioning that tells me that I should relate to men and women equally when it comes to connection invitations, i.e. that when it comes to invitations to connect in the dimensions of mind, heart, and/or spirit, I must be gender neutral. However, I can’t do that if I’m to create a reasonable sense of balance here.
In fact, I need to do just the opposite. I need to over-represent the body aspect in my connections with women since that aspect will definitely be under-represented in my connections with men. This means that even if I get a nice offer from a woman to explore a mind-heart-spirit connection together, I’m going to need to decline those invitations much of the time. But if that same invitation comes from a man, I can be a lot more liberally in accepting. That’s because if I accept more mind-heart-spirit connections from women, I won’t have as much time to explore connections that include the body aspect. It’s a matter of opportunity cost.
This of course presumes that balanced connections are important, and for me that’s true.
I feel that this is a mistake I’ve made in the past. I would accept mind-heart-spirit connections with equal interest whether they came from men or women. It seems unfair, sexist, or otherwise dishonest to have one standard for men and another standard for women with respect to these types of connections. But now I realize that I can’t apply the same preferences to men and women alike. I’m not neuter, and I’m not bisexual. I can’t explore the body aspect with men in the ways I can with women. So I absolutely must skew my connection preferences with women to over-emphasize the body aspect.
Rationally it should be fairly obvious why this is so. But of course limiting beliefs have a way of sneaking below the rational radar and making themselves seem sensible and correct. The idea that I’m supposed to treat connection opportunities in a largely gender-neutral matter is a load of falsehood that I’m finally unloading. The simple truth is that in order to create an overall balance between the four aspects of connection in my life, I need to favor physical connections with women to such a degree that I decline a lot more invites from women if the door to a physical connection is closed.
I do see the importance of putting more emphasis on physical connections with women and letting go of more connections with women that don’t include at least some degree of physical connection.
Does this mean that if a woman doesn’t want to connect physically at all, or if she has to rule that out for some reason (such as already being in an exclusive relationship), that I’d be less inclined to be her friend? Yes, that’s exactly what it means. If I don’t do that, then I’m sentencing myself to a guaranteed imbalance across the four dimensions of connection. It means the body aspect will always be lagging behind the other three aspects.
If I invite and explore too many connections with women that don’t have the body aspect present, it means I’m delaying or avoiding the possibility of experiencing a strong 3D connection that involves the body aspect, and I’m also ruling out the potential for an amazing 4D connection.
If it seems like I’m still leaning into this realization and not fully there yet, that would be a fair assessment. On the one hand, I appreciate having great female friends even if there’s no body connection to speak of (not even cuddling). On the other hand, my interest in inviting and accepting more connections of that nature is definitely waning. I already have plenty of mind-heart-spirit connections with men and women alike, but I can only explore the other three types of 3D connections with women. So be it.
The truth is that my connections with women have already been leaning in this direction for quite some time. Even though it took me some time to figure this out consciously, my subconscious seems to have done the math earlier, causing me to begin filtering for more body-aspect connections with women even before I was aware that it made sense to do that.”
- Steve Pavlina
“As close as my connections with men can go, they’ll never go as deep as my connections with women can. There’s something beautiful about the polarity differences between men and women in that regard. The addition of the body aspect opens the door to even deeper connections in the areas of mind, heart, and spirit.
4D Connections body-mind-heart-spirit – The ultimate connection is four-dimensional. This connection is truly holistic — good physical chemistry, great communication, emotional depth, and growth potential. Our bodies give and receive pleasure. Our minds co-create and share ideas. Our hearts radiate love. And our spirits take an empowering journey together. For me this connection can only happen with a woman.”
- Steve Pavlina